Understand each other well, then go your separate ways.
Two people with the same reading of others. Who really thinks what is visible at the same depth. Still, while the two of you are together, not much tends to move.
ENFJ and INFJ compatibility in brief (love, work, friendship)
ENFJ × INFJ is the Extinguishment relation, one of the sixteen. Understand each other well, then go your separate ways.
LoveA good combination at the entrance. It stalls when you try to decide together when to move.WorkIt runs if you split into the one who moves and the one who waits.Friends & conversationTalking about people alone together is the best scene. The moment it becomes a public discussion, it becomes a competition.
Written as INFJ × ENFJ it is the same pair. In 16Personalities terms, the Protagonist and the Advocate.
Talk about people needs no preamble. At this point it cannot be told apart from the relation that meshes best.
But the use is reversed. ENFJ puts the reading into words, loads it with heat, and moves now. INFJ holds the reading and does not move until the time comes. Both are right, so it does not become a conflict, and every time it becomes an argument over whether to say it now.
Each sees in the other the side they suppress in themselves. ENFJ sees stillness and hesitation in INFJ; INFJ sees drama and push in ENFJ. ENFJ's heat recedes a little; INFJ's depth grows a little shallower.
ENFJ moves by heat; INFJ waits and does not move.
A competition of reasoning
Alone together it got through, but once people enter, each tries to push their own reading through. In the words of the observation, "a competition of reasoning". INFJ withdraws first, warmth turning to formality. ENFJ feels pigeonholed and goes on the defensive. Back to two, it is as it was.
Both think it later: I wish I had not confided that much. Since they were in harmony as two, what happened cannot be explained.
Split into the one who moves and the one who waits, it runs; placed as equals, it stops.
How each sees the other
ENFJ → INFJ
Their reading of people is accurate.
But they do not move it. Knowing, they choose to wait.
And in public they suddenly turn formal.
INFJ → ENFJ
Someone who can give a room a direction.
On the other hand, fast. They sweep in people who are not ready yet.
And in public they try to push their own reading through. You withdraw.
What has been recorded
SCENE 01A competition of reasoning
In front of a third party a "competition of reasoning" breaks out, and both fear losing credibility in public, the observation says.
SCENE 02I wish I hadn't confided
Both secretly regret it, and since they were in harmony alone, cannot tell what happened, the record says.
SCENE 03Drama and caution
A note on the contrast: "the EIE's dramatic expression and the EII's empathetic caution".
A pair on record
Richard Wagner (EIE) × Friedrich Nietzsche (EII)
Typing: both types agree across several published sources
From 1869 Nietzsche visited Tribschen by the lake more than twenty times, lived almost as family, and dedicated his first book to Wagner. At the Bayreuth festival of 1876, amid nobility, crowds and society, Nietzsche fled halfway through into the woods. Two years later they sent each other new works, and Nietzsche wrote that it was "as if two swords had crossed". They never met again, and in his last years Nietzsche wrote that Wagner had been "the most complete human being I have known".
What matches: harmony alone and breakage in a crowd; the introverted side withdrawing first; neither able to forget.
Love, living together, work, family: scene by scene
ConversationTalking about people alone together is the best scene. The moment it becomes a public discussion, it becomes a competition.
RomanceA good combination at the entrance. It stalls when you try to decide together when to move.
Living togetherThings not getting decided becomes daily life.
WorkIt runs if you split into the one who moves and the one who waits.
FamilyA relation that is better the more distance there is.
If you keep going
Do not push your reading through in public
It becomes a competition the moment a third person enters.
Do not make timing the subject between you
Now, or wait. Assign it and do not interfere.
If it goes wrong, go back to just the two of you
What went wrong in public usually disappears when you talk alone.
For these two
How to meet ── Somewhere for just the two of you
A relation best alone together and awkward when people are added. One-on-one settings, a quiet café. Meet in a group and the good side is invisible.
Approach ── Keep third parties out
Do not talk about the two of you in front of others. Do not meet with friends along. Make the period of running side by side long, just the two of you.
A date ── A quiet place, just the two
A private room, the mountains, the city at dawn. The fewer people, the better. Talk, between you, about growing the same interest in different directions.
Gifts ── for ENFJ, Something consistent; for INFJ, Practical help
For ENFJ: A book with clean logic, a tool with structure. What puts a spine into ENFJ's heat. For INFJ: Helping to tidy, a useful tool. What INFJ is waiting for is hands that move.
PROne thing for this relation
A relation that understands well and goes its own ways, so tools for time alone.
A phenomenon repeatedly observed in this relation.
INFJ suddenly turned formal
The introverted side withdraws first. Usually after ENFJ has pushed with heat in public.
I cannot explain why we parted
Because there was no quarrel. The people watching changed, the topics thinned, and the excuse to meet vanished.
What is ENFJ and INFJ compatibility in love?
A good combination at the entrance. It stalls when you try to decide together when to move. More under "Love, living together, work, family: scene by scene" and "If you keep going".
Do ENFJ and INFJ work well together?
It runs if you split into the one who moves and the one who waits. More under "Love, living together, work, family: scene by scene" and "If you keep going".
This pair is the extinguishment relation, one of the sixteen. How the relation itself arises, and how to tell it from the others, is on the relation page.
The two Model A's: what talks to what
ENFJ on the left, INFJ on the right. Each shows where the eight elements sit; lines connect the same element. Where each line starts and ends decides what happens in this relation.
Lines connect the same element in the other person's structure. 1–2 (strong) 3 (role) 4 (vulnerable) 5–6 (wanted) 7–8 (capable, indifferent)
1 → 7FeENFJ's 1 (leading) Fe (extraverted ethics) sits in INFJ's position 7 (ignoring). INFJ can do what ENFJ is good at but does not value it. ENFJ feels slightly unappreciated.
2 → 8NiENFJ's 2 (creative) Ni (introverted intuition) sits in INFJ's position 8 (demonstrative). INFJ can do what ENFJ is good at but does not value it. ENFJ feels slightly unappreciated.
3 → 5TeENFJ's 3 (role) Te (extraverted logic) sits in INFJ's position 5 (suggestive). ENFJ is weak here and INFJ wants it. A gap neither can fill.
4 → 6SiENFJ's 4 (vulnerable) Si (introverted sensing) sits in INFJ's position 6 (mobilizing). ENFJ is weak here and INFJ wants it. A gap neither can fill.
5 → 3TiENFJ's 5 (suggestive) Ti (introverted logic) sits in INFJ's position 3 (role). What ENFJ asks for is INFJ's weakest point. The more ENFJ asks, the smaller INFJ gets.
6 → 4SeENFJ's 6 (mobilizing) Se (extraverted sensing) sits in INFJ's position 4 (vulnerable). What ENFJ asks for is INFJ's weakest point. The more ENFJ asks, the smaller INFJ gets.
7 → 1FiENFJ's 7 (ignoring) Fi (introverted ethics) sits in INFJ's position 1 (leading). INFJ's main field is one ENFJ does not care about. Little friction, little interest.
8 → 2NeENFJ's 8 (demonstrative) Ne (extraverted intuition) sits in INFJ's position 2 (creative). INFJ's main field is one ENFJ does not care about. Little friction, little interest.