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Extinguishment
消滅 · Погашение
Understanding each other well, then each their own way.
消滅 ／ one of the sixteen relations
The conversation fits astonishingly well. Interested in the same things, amused at the same points. Two people who grow that interest each in their own direction.
EXTINGUISHMENT
01 When you first meet
The conversation fits too well
You share an interest in the same domain. The books you read are close, the points you find amusing are close, and the conversation never breaks. On a topic that bores everyone around, only the two of you light up.
And what one starts saying, the other understands without hearing to the end. No effort of explanation needed. This sensation is intense, and in most cases this is where you think "found it".
The feel of this period is almost indistinguishable from duality. Many of the relations later said to "have been a good match" are this one.
02 After a while
Growing the same topic in different directions
You begin to notice that though you look at the same thing, your ways of handling it are exact opposites. One moves toward multiplying possibilities, the other toward narrowing down and judging.
Neither is wrong. So it does not become an argument either. The feature of this relation is that no friction arises. The conversation continues. Only, things are rarely decided while the two are together.
One thinks "why not widen it", the other "why not decide". Neither says it aloud.
03 If it is to last
Each their own way
No decisive event occurs. No quarrel, no dislike. Only, the intervals between contact gradually widen.
Looking back there is not a single bad memory, yet no reason to meet can be found. This relation ends not by breaking, but by each going their own way. So when you meet again after some years, you can talk normally again.
The period of running side by side is the most enjoyable part of this relation. Whether you can enjoy that period as something with a term.
Telling it from duality
The early appearance is very similar. With time, the difference becomes clear.
- Easier with time, or quieter
- In duality, effort decreases with time. In extinguishment, the amount of conversation decreases. Similar, but the content is reversed.
- Are you taking on the other's weak side
- In duality, you fill each other's weak points without noticing. In extinguishment, your strengths sit in the same place, so no filling occurs.
- Decided, or not decided
- In duality, things move forward when the two are together. In extinguishment, the talk is interesting yet nothing moves.
Where this relation is useful
People who share the same interest are not many. Choose the use and it is well worth it.
- Top class as someone to talk to
- Someone you can talk to about the same domain at the same depth. With no explanation needed, the density of the conversation itself rises.
- Do not bring in deciding
- Try to decide something between the two and it does not move. Keep the place for talking and the place for deciding separate and the relation lasts longer.
- Do not mind the gaps
- Contact breaking off is natural. Meet again and it is straight back to normal, so no need to think it has ended.
PROne thing for this relation
A relation that understands well and goes its own ways, so tools for time alone.
- An inn for a solo tripThe period of running side by side is the most enjoyable.
- Tools for your own hobbyGrow the same interest in a different direction.
- A place to talk, just the twoA third party breaks it. Alone, it connects.
Works that draw this relation
Chosen from works where the relationship between the two is itself the centre of the story.
- We Made a Beautiful Bouquet2021 · film · Japan
Beginning from tastes that match astonishingly, the same interest stretches in separate directions. It ends with no one at fault.
- La La Land2016 · film · US
Holding the same passion, growing it each on their own road. The period of running side by side is the most beautiful.
This is not a typing of the characters. They are listed as examples where the shape of this relation is drawn clearly.
Songs this relation runs through
Chosen from songs whose subject is exactly what happens between the two.
- Somebody That I Used to KnowGotye · 2011
With no decisive event, someone you were sure you knew grows distant. Extinguishment itself.
- Dry FlowerYuuri · 2020
It ends with no one at fault. A song of extinguishment, down to the viewpoint that looks back and says "we fitted so well".
No lyrics are quoted. The songs are listed for the shape of relation they deal with.
Extinguishment in Model A: what talks to what
Example: INTJ and ENTJ. Every pair in this relation connects the same positions in the same way; only the elements inside change.
Lines connect the same element in the other person's structure. 1–2 (strong) 3 (role) 4 (vulnerable) 5–6 (wanted) 7–8 (capable, indifferent)
The 8 pairs in this relation
Extinguishment is symmetric: it looks the same from either side.