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Conflict
葛藤関係 · Конфликт
Strongly drawn, and the closer, the more care it needs.
葛藤関係 ／ one of the sixteen relations
Of the sixteen, the combination most strongly drawn to each other. The places neither wants touched are close for both, so once you decide how to keep the distance, it lasts long.
CONFLICT
01 When you first meet
Dazzling
At first you are strongly drawn. Because the other does, without any trouble at all, what you simply cannot. And since it is what that person is best at, you see it all the time.
What you have always been weak at is handled lightly before your eyes. A feeling close to respect arises. There is no sense at all that this is a difficult match.
What makes this relation special is not that you are not drawn. It is that you are drawn most.
02 As the distance closes
What each holds dear is exactly reversed
What the other holds most dear touches your softest place. And they mean no harm. If anything, they touch it thinking it is for your good.
"Why don't you care about that," they think; "why do you keep going on about that," you think. Neither means to blame. What is said is often correct in itself, so it is hard to object.
Swap the positions and you are doing the same to them. Each is treading on the other's soft place without knowing. So whichever notices first can stop.
03 If it is to last
Apart, they become a good person again
You can tell by how tired you are afterwards. It was fun, yet that day you can do nothing else. Then with distance you recover, and after a while you think again, "they were a good person after all".
This back-and-forth is the most draining part of this relation. Put the other way, the problem is not character but density, so just setting the frequency changes the view.
As someone to meet a few times a year, these two can keep a very good relation.
Telling it from duality
Both are relations where "the other has what I lack". The early appearance is very similar.
- Taken over for you, or asked of you
- In duality, the other silently takes over your weak side. In conflict, you are encouraged to "give it a try". In both, the other means well.
- Do you need rest after being together
- In duality, being together restores you. In conflict, it was fun and you want to rest. This difference is there from the start.
- What happens when the distance closes
- In duality, the closer the easier. In conflict, every step closer needs adjustment. Living together or working jointly makes it clear.
When you cannot choose the distance
At work or in family, there may be no option of parting. Knowing how to handle it, this relation can be run perfectly well.
- Split the roles
- Doing the same job together does not mesh. Divide the areas of responsibility and converse through deliverables, and it suddenly gets easier.
- Do not advise
- Between these two, well-meant advice works least of all. Pointing at the other's weak place does not arrive, however correct.
- Shorten the continuous time
- Continuity matters more than the total. Meeting briefly and often holds better than a long stretch once.
PROne thing for this relation
A relation strongly drawn and needing more care the closer you get, so tools for care.
- A book on boundariesFor two whose untouchable places sit close.
- Couples counsellingDecide how to keep distance, and it lasts long.
- An inn with separate roomsCloseness in a form you can choose.
Works that draw this relation
Chosen from works where the relationship between the two is itself the centre of the story.
- Blue Valentine2010 · film · US
Strongly drawn to each other, and to that degree treading on each other's softest place. The higher the density, the more it drains.
This is not a typing of the characters. They are listed as examples where the shape of this relation is drawn clearly.
Songs this relation runs through
Chosen from songs whose subject is exactly what happens between the two.
- StyleTaylor Swift · 2014
The back-and-forth of parting and returning is the subject. The strength of the pull and the failure to last come from the same place.
- CharlesBalloon · 2016
Strongly drawn, while treading on each other's soft places. Music of a relation that cannot bear the density.
No lyrics are quoted. The songs are listed for the shape of relation they deal with.
Conflict in Model A: what talks to what
Example: INTJ and ESFP. Every pair in this relation connects the same positions in the same way; only the elements inside change.
Lines connect the same element in the other person's structure. 1–2 (strong) 3 (role) 4 (vulnerable) 5–6 (wanted) 7–8 (capable, indifferent)
The 8 pairs in this relation
Conflict is symmetric: it looks the same from either side.