13 / 16 · a relation with direction

Supervision

監督 · Ревизия · supervisor's side

A casual remark lands large.

監督／ seen from the supervisor's side ／ the other side is Supervisee

This relation has a direction. And only one side feels it strongly. The supervising side usually thinks nothing is happening.

SUPERVISOR

01 When you first meet

Only the other is on guard

You are behaving normally. Not especially aware of anything. Only, the other person is somehow a little stiff. Polite yet distant, and seemingly watching for your reaction.

The reason is simple. What you do most unconsciously is the area hardest for the other to see. You do it like breathing, and they do not want to be seen there.

The first thing that happens in this relation is that one side alone grows tense. The other does not even notice being tensed at.

02 After a while

A remark lands large

You only gave an impression. You did not mean to point anything out or to evaluate. Yet to the other it arrives as a verdict handed down. And a verdict on the place they are least confident about.

So even praise does not work as well as you would think. The other always receives your words as a grade. Even given a good mark, the frame of being graded itself does not change.

From your side, the other's reaction is a little strange. You cannot see why it happens. You have no memory of doing anything wrong.

03 If it is to last

Put one step of distance

The one holding the wheel in this relation is the side that does not feel it. The other's effort will not change it. So if you draw back a little, the view changes.

Halve the advice. Avoid words of evaluation. In the area where the other is clearly strong, say nothing and leave it to them. The last one in particular breaks the vertical frame once.

A relation that works better when closeness is not shown by proximity. The more you want it to go well, the more one step of distance makes it function.

What the supervising side can do

Trying to change the other will not move it. What can be adjusted is on your side.

Reduce the advice: The other's weak spots are as plain to you as your own hand. So you want to say something. But that one remark arrives many times heavier than you think.
Avoid words of evaluation: Including good evaluations. "Well done" is a verdict too. Stating facts, or talking about your own side, gets through better.
In their strong area, leave it to them in silence: Even in this relation there are areas where the other is clearly strong. Leave those to them and the vertical frame breaks once. It is the only route toward equality.

As a role, it functions well

Between equals it takes care, but where the roles are clear it works strongly.

Short-term instruction or handover: If the period is limited, the pressure of this relation becomes a driving force instead. The condition is that the end is in sight.
When the evaluating position is set by the system: If you are in an evaluating position to begin with, the frame and the feeling agree, so no distortion appears. What becomes hard is the scene that is supposed to be equal.

PROne thing for this relation

A relation where a casual remark lands large, so tools for choosing words.

A book about wordsThe supervisor's remark lands heavy.
Cards for praisingOnly approval stays heavy with the other.
A hobby that keeps distanceAt a safe distance, you can recognise each other.

Works that draw this relation

Chosen from works where the relationship between the two is itself the centre of the story.

KokoroNatsume Sōseki · 1914 · novel
Read from Sensei's side, he never manages to gauge, to the end, how his words are arriving. The one handing over the weight does not notice it.

This is not a typing of the characters. They are listed as examples where the shape of this relation is drawn clearly.

Songs this relation runs through

Chosen from songs whose subject is exactly what happens between the two.

Every Breath You TakeThe Police · 1983
The watching side means it as affection. It never becomes aware, to the end, of how it arrives.
Okuru KotobaKaientai · 1979
Words from the side that sends off. The one handing over the weight is not counting it.

No lyrics are quoted. The songs are listed for the shape of relation they deal with.

Supervision (supervisor) in Model A: what talks to what

Example: INTJ and ENFP. Every pair in this relation connects the same positions in the same way; only the elements inside change.

Lines connect the same element in the other person's structure. 1–2 (strong) 3 (role) 4 (vulnerable) 5–6 (wanted) 7–8 (capable, indifferent)

1 → 4TiINTJ's 1 (leading) Ti (introverted logic) sits in ENFP's position 4 (vulnerable). What INTJ does as a matter of course lands on ENFP's sore spot. Pressure without malice.

2 → 1NeINTJ's 2 (creative) Ne (extraverted intuition) sits in ENFP's position 1 (leading). Both strong here. Same ground: fast understanding, and some rivalry.

3 → 2FiINTJ's 3 (role) Fi (introverted ethics) sits in ENFP's position 2 (creative). ENFP leads exactly where INTJ is weak. INTJ feels seen through.

4 → 3SeINTJ's 4 (vulnerable) Se (extraverted sensing) sits in ENFP's position 3 (role). Both weak. The same thing goes wrong for both.

5 → 8FeINTJ's 5 (suggestive) Fe (extraverted ethics) sits in ENFP's position 8 (demonstrative). ENFP could give it but does not think to. Comes when INTJ asks in words.

6 → 5SiINTJ's 6 (mobilizing) Si (introverted sensing) sits in ENFP's position 5 (suggestive). Both want it, neither has it. Must come from outside.

7 → 6TeINTJ's 7 (ignoring) Te (extraverted logic) sits in ENFP's position 6 (mobilizing). INTJ has what ENFP wants without noticing. Appears only when asked.

8 → 7NiINTJ's 8 (demonstrative) Ni (introverted intuition) sits in ENFP's position 7 (ignoring). Both capable, both indifferent. Left alone.

The 16 pairs in this relation

The left is the supervising side, the right the supervised. Reverse the direction and it is a different relation.

ENTP supervises ISTJILE → LSI ISFP supervises ENFJSEI → EIE ESFJ supervises ISTPESE → SLI INTJ supervises ENFPLII → IEE ENFJ supervises INTPEIE → ILI ISTJ supervises ESFPLSI → SEE ESTP supervises INTJSLE → LII INFP supervises ESFJIEI → ESE ESFP supervises INFJSEE → EII INTP supervises ESTJILI → LSE ENTJ supervises INFPLIE → IEI ISFJ supervises ESTPESI → SLE ESTJ supervises ISFPLSE → SEI INFJ supervises ENTPEII → ILE ENFP supervises ISFJIEE → ESI ISTP supervises ENTJSLI → LIE

This relation has a direction. Read from the supervised side, it looks entirely different.

To the Supervisee page

The sixteen relations

Identity Duality Activation Mirror Semi-duality Kindred Super-ego Business Quasi-identity Illusionary Extinguishment Conflict Supervisor Supervisee Benefactor Beneficiary